Remembering To Forget You
by elmjuniper
Summary: How do you win someone back when you've already broken their heart once? Especially when they seemed to have vanished off the face of the earth. Rue Shepard faces her greatest challenge when the Reapers attack Earth, but in midst of it all she stumbles upon a secret she was never meant to find out about. Sequel to Losing What We Never Had. FemShep/Miri FemShep/Liara
1. Prologue

**DISCLAIMER: **All characters, objects, items, places, names, lore etc that you recognize belongs to Bioware. Everything else is my imagination and how I would have liked to see ME3 play out.

**A/N: **I always felt disappointed that they removed the squaddies from ME2. I always felt like it could have really contributed to the chemistry on board the Normandy. Having romanced Miranda in ME2 I was bummed she was hardly in ME3 at all.

Anyway, so this is the sequel to Losing What We Never Had. If you haven't read it I would strongly advice you start with that one as you will have missed _a lot _of important details. For the rest of you **thank you **for heading out on a new adventure with me! I hope you will enjoy this story as we will find out what happens to Miranda and Rue after the ending of LWWNH. This story takes place during ME3 and as per usual I am most likely to change things. Not the core story, but I might change other things such as missions etc (read: stuff Miranda into ME3 as much as I can). Well, if you read this you have probably already read LWWNH so you know what you're in for. ;)

Contains Femslash. If you do not like I suggest you be open minded and give it a try. If anyone feels like trolling I will tell you now that you're wasting your time. I have tons of loyal readers who give me constructive criticism that I listen to and learn from. Trolling will be blocked and ignored and I really don't care for it since I know my readers will let me know if I totally suck.

Having that said, drop me a review to let me know what you think, want to see etc. :)

And with that...Here we go, enjoy! :)

~Elmjuniper

* * *

.

.

_A heart doesn't simply forget. Not once it has been touched by someone in the way mine has been by Rue. I don't think I'll ever be the same after being with her, I don't know that I want to be the same. You have her eyes and my dark hair and I will do anything in my power to protect you, but to protect you I need the greatest hero of all times to be unaware of you. She cannot, she must not be distracted by us. For if she is there might not be a world for you to grow up in. _

**PROLOGUE**

SHE STOOD IN THE DOORWAY looking out across the office she had called her home for the past eight months. This place had changed her life. She always knew it would, she just hadn't known it would be in this way. When she stepped aboard the Normandy she had expected to gain yet another experience, another mission accomplished, another notch on her perfect belt.

She had imagined going in to the Suicide Mission as one person coming out as another. Stronger, wiser, more experienced. She had only thought her changes would be professional, not personal. She hadn't expected to meet so many different persons, to come to enjoy the company of quite the few of them, to trust them in battle. There had been mistrust in the beginning, but regardless of how you felt for one another, when you survived something like they had it created a bond whether you liked it or not.

When the Illusive Man had given the Lazarus project to her she had felt the rush of excitement of what they were about to do. They were going to bring someone back from the dead, and not just anybody, but the legendary Commander Shepard. It would certainly make their mark in history. She never doubted, not once, that they would be successful in reviving Shepard. She didn't do failure.

Miranda snorted where she stood. Didn't do failure? Then what the hell did you call this? They had won this first bit of the war, but she had lost so much more. The old Miranda would not be able to see what she had lost, but she wasn't the same Miranda now. This one was changed. Heartbroken. She had thought she was invincible, that her Ice Queen mask would protect her from harm like it had for so many years. But how do you protect a heart that beats so fiercely, so intensely? How do tell your heart to stop beating with every breath regardless of how much it aches?

Parts of her had foolishly thought she could stay on the Normandy even after the mission had been accomplished –if they survived. Despite how things ended between her and Rue they were both professional enough to keep their personal lives from interfering with their work. And in that way she would be able to… keep an eye on the commander. Even if it was from afar.

She rested her hands on her stomach. She was starting to show even more. She had been lucky the first few months of her pregnancy and one could barely tell. Rue most certainly hadn't been able to. But now her stomach was getting rounder and not even the large tops she had taken to wearing would hide it any longer. Besides, she needed to find out what her crazy father's plan was. She remembered fragments of what had happened, but large parts were still missing. The one thing she remembered was her father gloating about how hers and Shepard's child would be the ultimate human specimen. That was all she needed to remember to know that she had to let the commander go and in order to that she had to leave. She couldn't stay and she needed to regain her powers, but most importantly, she needed to protect her baby from her father.

The doors opened and Jacob stepped into the office. "Hey you," he said. "How are you holding up?"

She exhaled feeling the corners of her mouth twitch involuntarily and she bit her lip blinking the tears away.

"I'm fine," she lied.

The solider put his arm around her and pulled her in for a comforting hug. She leaned her head on to his shoulder still memorising her office. Parts of her were really going to miss it.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Miranda? Don't you think Shepard deserves to know?"

"She can't know and you _know _why."

"I know, I just...I like the commander. She's a strong, admirable woman, but now she thinks I'm the douche who slept with her girlfriend," Jacob said remorsefully.

"You saw that Reaper, Jacob. It had been made out of _thousands _of humans. You know what is coming. Even if the Council or the Alliance won't admit it we both know the Reapers are a real threat. They will need Rue and when the time comes she can't be worrying about this." She motioned at her belly.

"I know, it just doesn't feel right. Shepard would-"

"Do _anything _for us. She would be selfish and protect us at all cost," she said and picked up her bag. "I can't let that happen. This is bigger than me and Rue. _Please_ don't tell her the truth, Jacob."

The man sighed. "I won't, but if there is ever _anything _you need..."

"I know, thank you." She gave him a quick kiss on his stubbly cheek then she walked through the doors one last time.

"Jacob?" She turned her head.

"Yes?"

"Look after her, will you?"

"You have my word."

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	2. A New Life

_I gave birth to a daughter on the first day of winter on planet where no one would look for us under a name no one would think of, but that everyone would know. _

**A NEW LIFE**

SWEAT DRIPPED FROM HER BROWS as she focused on the asari's face in front of her, pain tearing through her body and all she wanted was for it to end. All she wanted was for it to just be over. She had gone through nine months of constant nausea, swollen feet, back ache, nightly cravings and unflattering wobbling from one place to another. The first three months had been in utter unawareness and the next two trying to hide it from everyone aboard the Normandy who didn't know about it. Dr. Chakwas had kept a close eye on her as long as she had remained on the Normandy, but after she left she had been all alone. Jacob had offered to help her, but she didn't want anyone's help. She would be just fine on her own, like she had always been. On her own was the only way of life she had known before Rue and she wasn't about to let the commander change that. She didn't need anyone, she didn't need Rue.

"Breathe," someone reminded her and she turned her attention to her breathing as she tried to endure the pain. The pain was overwhelming and Miranda could feel her strength weaken under its persistent pressure. _I can't do this! _She despaired. She couldn't do it alone, she wasn't strong enough.

"Oh, no you don't, Alice." The asari midwife berated her. "You keep at it, you don't give up -you're almost done."

_That's what she said hours ago! _She grunted in dismay. _Oh! You bastard! I can't believe you're letting me do this on my own! I'm going to finish this and I'm going to find you and kick your arse! _She channelled all her strength into picturing the commander's arrogant, self-absorbed, asari-kissing...charming..._beautiful _face. She cursed herself for still thinking about Rue in that way. She hated that she still loved Rue, that some days when she could feel the baby kick she wanted to tell Rue all about it –that their baby was healthy and well. Parts of her wished the commander was by her side experiencing this miracle with her, but every time she looked up her room was always empty, the blaring screens her only companions.

She had spent the first few months in hiding after the Illusive Man almost got to her, or rather, his men almost got to her. Mr. Harper was not a man who took rejection well it seemed. She should have known this -of course- she just hadn't expected him to be so hell-bent on demonstration just how badly he did take rejections.

She had used all her contacts and scoured all the channels she knew for information about her father, but by the time she found some real clues as to what had happened to her she was too far gone in her pregnancy to chase down Dr. Grenway. The doctor knew more about this than he let on that day when she had gone to visit him on Illium. If he was working for her father he was the last place she should be visiting. He would no doubt be in contact with her father and make sure she was brought back in. It was a risk she couldn't take.

Her father's blood hounds had almost sniffed her out and she knew it was time to go in to hiding. So she had fled to Thessia a planet where her father wouldn't think to look. He would think she'd gone back to Earth, assuming that she would want humans to care for her when giving birth. The old fool didn't realise the asari were just as competent when it came to delivering babies as humans were. Her eyes caught the sight of the band wrapped around her wrist. Alice Shepard. A new identity her father or the Illusive Man wouldn't be looking for and using Rue's last name would ensure her baby would be given the right name at birth.

A trembling, displeased cry brought her out from her thoughts and she saw Axteria hold the newborn baby in her arms

"It's a girl," the asari said smiling, eyes slightly damp as she cradled the baby in her arms. A nurse quickly cleaned the baby up and wrapped her in a blanket before placing the child gently in Miranda's arms.

She felt her eyes water up, her hands shaking as she held her baby girl in her arms for the first time. A feeling mixed by sheer horror of the responsibility and intense love overwhelmed her.

"Hello," she whispered gently. Her voice trembled before she leant forward kissing the bald and wrinkly bundle in her arms. Tiny fingers clutched at hers as her daughter opened her eyes. Brilliantly green eyes looked up at her and she felt the tears roll down her cheeks as she sobbed. She wept out of exhaustion and joy, her heart breaking and overflowing with love at the same time. _I need you here, Rue. _

"Do you have a name for her?" Axteria asked as she sat down in the chair next to her keeping her company during the biggest moment of her life. If she had thought she had experienced the biggest, most significant moment of her life she had been all wrong, this was it and she was glad the asari kept her company.

"Elinor," she said, adoring the child in her arms.

"Elinor? That's a nice name."

"I used to read this book when I was young, about this young girl –Elinor. The name always stuck with me." She explained. It used to be her favourite book, but it was more than that. Books and reading was one of the few things her father couldn't take from her. Just like her child. She kissed Elinor on her warm forehead. _He will never take you away from me_.

~o~

The grounds of the compound lay quiet as she walked across the soft grass. Most of the soldiers had withdrawn to the barracks or left the compound for the day and the sun was setting somewhere behind her. She turned a corner walking up to the shuttle port her eyes scanning the area lazily. There was a time when she had been meticulous and thorough with inspecting the vehicles under her command. She kicked the dirt on the ground. Her days as a commander were officially over since of yesterday. The board had stripped her of her title, grounded her and the crew, confiscated her ship and put her under constant surveillance.

She could hear the two soldiers walking behind her in the distance and she turned her head giving them a weary look. It wasn't that she didn't understand why she had ended up where she was, but she had hoped the board would see her reasons for working with Cerberus and for her actions back on Bahak. She lifted her gaze and shoved her hands in to her pockets.

Three hundred thousand batarians, all dead in a blink of an eye, with a push of a button. It seemed absurd to her. An entire system, just gone. She had done what was necessary to stop the Reapers, but was the price worth it? Did she regret it? Of course she did. She wasn't a cold-blooded murderer. In her younger years she might have revelled in the poetic justice, but this Rue took no pleasure in exterminating an entire system. What else could she have done? The galaxy was not ready for the Reapers. She wasn't sure they would ever be truly ready, but she had hoped to buy them more time. She tried to warn as many as she could, but there was only so much she could do, she was only so fast. With barely an hour left there simply hadn't been enough time. She looked up towards the sky. Despite what people said about her being some sort of hero, she was only human. And that day when she let Dr. Kenson get the better of her she had failed.

Both Hackett and Anderson had thrown in their support, but it hadn't been enough. Someone needed to answer for what had happened with the Bahak system and that someone was her. She sighed. She wasn't happy about it, but there was little she could do without being court-martialed. Convincing the Alliance board that the Reapers were a real threat that needed to be dealt with was like convincing an adult that the tooth fairy was real. Regardless of her reports from Horizon or any of the other missions she had from her time with Cerberus the admiralty board wouldn't listen. The batarians wanted blood. They were looking for an excuse to start a war, this was it. Rue Shepard was going to step down for the good of humanity. So she did. Now it was all pushing papers constantly under strict surveillance just in case she was still in contact with Cerberus.

Rue huffed. What part of; she blew up the human Reaper the Collectors had been creating and in the process defied the Illusive Man, did they not understand? She used Cerberus, nothing else. They had questioned her about the whereabouts of both the former Alliance soldier Jacob Taylor and the director Miranda Lawson. She had told them the truth –that she didn't know.

She closed her eyes, the cool evening breeze brushing her long hair from her face. Miranda Lawson, Cerberus operative, fiercely loyal, brilliantly smart. She pulled to a stop near the shuttles. She missed the Normandy and her crew. There was something special about travelling through space, but what had made her time all that more special this time was Miranda. _I shouldn't have let her go. _She berated herself. In all the confusion when Liara came back she somehow lost herself in her desire to make the asari happy again. She wanted to see her smile, like she used to. Now this darkness clung to the asari, the kind of darkness the one could get lost in never to find their way back home again. Rue wanted to protect Liara from that. She could see the dark road Liara was heading down and she needed to stop her. She needed to bring the asari out from it.

By the time the Alliance had come for her Rue could catch glimpses of the woman she had fallen in love with. The kindness shone through every now and then and Liara's caring side surfaced more often, but the asari remained cold and distant most of the time. They had tried to meld once again after the first time. For some reason they hadn't been able to connect completely so they had decided to try it later, when things had settled. Rue pulled a face at the sky. She was going to be stuck in Vancouver for a while, but maybe it was for the best. Give them time apart to think things over. And the more thinking she did the more she kept going back to the informant.

Miranda had just left one day. No goodbye, not note, no nothing and now it seemed like she had vanished into thin smoke. Rue had used all her contacts trying to find any clues of where Miranda might have gone to, tried searching every name Miranda had ever used even the fake one they used on the Citadel, but no one had been able to find anything. She shouldn't be surprised though. Miranda was more than capable of looking after herself. That meant that if the informant wanted to remain hidden she wouldn't be found.

"What are you doing out here, Commander?"

Looking to her side she saw a huge hulk-like man walk up next to her.

"I'm no Commander anymore," she answered politely as she turned her gaze towards the Alliance coloured vehicles.

"Even so, seems like a lonely place to be when everyone else is watching the biotiball finals." He too stared at the shuttles, his hands resting against the belt on his lower back.

Biotiball. With the things she'd seen and done it seemed so trivial. Knowing what was out there whilst she was stuck in some Alliance base kept her from enjoying everyday life as others would have. How could she sit and watch sports as if the galaxy wasn't in great danger?

"Have you ever been to space-?" She gave him an inquiring look.

"Lieutenant."

"Ever been to space, Lieutenant?" She asked.

"I sure have, Commander." He replied dutifully. She ignored him calling her commander.

"It's something special about it," she said her thoughts drifting off to better times. There was that morning on the Citadel after they had endured a tedious dinner with the Kents. She had woken up after a good night's sleep to see Miranda studying her from the other side of the bed, a pad in her lap, her left hand gripping a charcoal pen and it flew back and forth across the pad.

"_Are you evaluating me after last night's performance?" _

_Miranda laughed and put the pad away, crawling up to her where she lay, soft sheets wrapping themselves around her waist and legs. _

"_You may be shocked to hear that I'm not always working." Miranda smiled and kissed her gently, putting her arm around her waist._

"_What is this I hear? Stop the presses! Brilliant Mrs. Doodikins isn't doing something work related," she teased the informant. _

_Miranda chuckled. "You arse." The informant let go of her and grabbed the pad with her free hand. "Here," she said._

_The charcoal lines traced the outline of a sleeping couple on the thick, grainy paper. Thin lines crossing each other created shadows around the sleeping couple giving the sketch depth. Sunlight broke through the smudged charcoal where Miranda had used the eraser to create playful rays of light breaking through the glass windows. _

"_Ri, this is amazing," she said suddenly awake. Miranda's hand caressed the side of her face gently. _

"_I just wanted something to remember us by. This moment. I wanted to keep it somehow," the informant said with a sense of sadness to her tone._

"_Sounds like you're going somewhere."_

"_No," Miranda sighed. "But look at my legs. There is no way they'll look like that in ten years."_

The memory of them in the comfortable hotel bed that day on the Citadel faded before her eyes and she was once again just looking at a bunch of metallic, lifeless shuttles.

"You miss being up there?" The lieutenant asked after a while.

"More than anything."

~o~

If someone had told Miranda what it was like to become a parent she would have given them a stern look and said whatever they had done wrong she would no doubt do right. She was Miranda Lawson after all, perfection personified. She had read a few books before Ellie was born -she knew she could handle it. She had rebuilt and brought a person back to life. If she could do that successfully then being a mother would be a piece of cake.

She peered into the cradle at her sleeping daughter. Was she breathing? Was she positioned so that she wouldn't stop breathing? Why were her tiny fingers twitching when she slept? Was that normal for babies? Nowhere in any of the books had it been mentioned how all the knowledge you possessed before becoming a mother would be of no use to you. That piecing flesh and bones together was not the same as comforting a crying baby who could scream for hours. Nowhere was the worry mentioned that came with having this tiny, little human in one's life. For all the knowledge she had, she never could have imagined this complete and utter feeling of wanting to protect someone this badly, the thought of losing them unbearable and cruel. Miranda sighed and gently caressed Ellie's back. Ellie opened one eye tiredly giving her a glare before closing it again, smacking her lips in her sleep.

"Just like your other mother," Miranda whispered quietly. She felt a pang of regret. Maybe Jacob had been right? Maybe she should have told Rue about Ellie? She looked over at the screen that was showing the latest news. It would do no good now. Rue had been put on trial for blowing up the Bahak system, no doubt had she been tried for working with Cerberus as well.

Miranda frowned. She had been wrong about Cerberus, they did go too far and they didn't put humanity's welfare before their selfish need for power. They had done some things good –that- she could see, like bringing Rue back to life or sending agents to the smaller colonies helping them guard the settlements. But keeping that Reaper had been wrong, more than wrong and it was against everything she thought Cerberus stood for. Regardless of that, Rue had accomplished more than what she would have done working for the Alliance. They had her chasing down geth before her death. The Alliance intentions were good, but all the bureaucracy got in the way of doing what needed to be done. The Alliance was run by politics and whilst they had been busy bickering about whether or not the geth were the problem or the reapers were real threat Rue had been out there stopping yet another invasion. If Rue hadn't disobeyed the Alliance the first time before the battle of the Citadel the Reaper invasion would have started years ago. It wasn't right that Rue had been put on trial for working with Cerberus.

A buzz on her intercom startled her and she leapt off the bed quickly to keep Ellie from waking up from the buzzing noise.

"Hello?" She spoke in a low voice.

"Alice?" Axteria's voice was heard through the intercom.

"Yes?" It still felt odd when people called her Alice, but she was getting used to it by now.

"There's a small problem over here. We just had a black out and now the computers are all behaving strangely. Do you have a minute? I just need help logging in."

She threw quick glance over at Ellie. "You sure you need my help? Ellie is sleeping..."

"I've tried to restart and use the commandos you wrote down, but I think you need to do that thing when you open this old can up again. I can send a nurse over to watch her," Axteria said.

She chewed her lip. "Ok, I'll be there soon, can you send Nirua?"

"She'll be there in a minute, thank you Alice."

She walked over to the bed and tied the baby monitor to the wooden bar, hanging it over the side. "I will be right back, ok?"

She smiled when Ellie simply kept sleeping, then she walked out the door. Axteria had an extra key so Nirua could let herself in.

She hurried down the corridor of the facility where she had lived the past months. It had been a good deal. In exchange for lodging and a small sum of credits she helped the medical facility with its computers and whatever software needed upgrading or maintenance. She could stay invisible that way and under the radar. She rarely needed to go out and when she did it was only in the grounds of the facility. Axteria was the kind and motherly matriarch who ran the medical centre where privileged asari went for medical treatments.

She could hear the door open to her flat through the baby monitor and she slowed down slightly, feeling less stressed knowing Nirua was watching over Ellie. Rounding the corner she heard a strange, dull popping sound followed by a thudding noise. She stopped in her tracks, frowning. _What was that?_ She slowed down, crossing the floor silently. The door to the matriarch's office stood open and she could smell the familiar scent of gun powder.

"Echo team in position. The target is being acquired."

She froze on the spot, not daring to move.

"Move the body over there." A man instructed the other person in the room. A sudden cry from the baby monitor echoed through the silent corridor.

_Ellie! _

"Someone's out there!"

The door swung open two armour clad figures bursting out from the room. She had no gun, no biotics, her panic kicking in as Ellie's cry rose into a high pitched, shrill scream. She could try and run but would no doubt be shot in the back before she'd taken a few steps. Gritting her teeth she launched herself into motion, flinging herself at the first soldier knocking him to the floor. Using the momentum of the fall she clasped her hands together before shoving the tip of her elbow into the soldier's throat. It connected with such for it made an unpleasant crushing noise, the soldier's body turning limp and lifeless. Moving quickly she grabbed the pistol strapped to the soldier's belt, rolling onto her back with the limp body on top of her as the other soldier fired at her. The bullets dug themselves into the dead soldier's body and she raised her hand, firing the pistol she had stolen. The second soldier yelled angrily before ducking in behind cover. She scrambled to her feet diving in behind a wall.

"You're not getting anywhere, Miranda," the soldier shouted before firing his gun.

_Lindeberg? _The Cerberus crewman who used to work the bridge on the Normandy. He had been the top agent for the Illusive Man for many years. Until he screwed up a mission badly, after that Jack didn't trust Lindeberg. Lindeberg had seemed envious when Jack had given the Lazarus project to her, but everyone knew Mr. Harper would have never even considered Lindeberg to lead the assignment.

"It shouldn't surprise me your running the Illusive Man's errands nowadays, Lindeberg," she called across her shoulder as she pressed herself against the wall waiting for the right moment to take a shoot at him.

"You really don't know anything. For being _so _clever Miss Lawson, you know nothing. I'm not here for the Illusive Man. He never gave me any credit. Not like someone else we know."

She could hear him move somewhere in the corridor, Ellie's crying becoming louder and louder. Something rustled in the baby monitor. Someone was in her flat and she wasn't sure if it was Nirua or someone else.

"Your father sends his regards," Lindeberg said victoriously. She could tell by the sound of his voice that he was sneering.

"You bastard!" She shouted. Lindeberg wasn't working for the Illusive Man -he had been the leak on the Normandy. He was the one who had entered her cabin and erased the footage, Lindeberg was the one who had made sure she was fed the drug so that she wouldn't remember anything from her abduction. _You're dead! _She pulled her boot off and flung it into the corridor. Lindeberg reacted instantly shooting at it and she pushed out from the wall firing her gun. She heard a muffled cry then a thud as he fell to the floor.

Walking up to him, rage surging through her, she felt the familiar warmth as the biotic flames shot from her body, wild and uncontrollable, like the flames surrounding a rising phoenix. She pulled to a stop next to him, staring down at the wounded man. He would survive. Most probably. She leant down and picked up his radio and weapons, stepping over his shaking body, stopping momentarily.

"Tell my father he'll never lay a hand on my daughter." Then she sprinted down the corridor, blue fire illuminating the darkness where she went.

The door to her apartment stood open and she bolted through it. Two soldiers lay sprawled out on the floor, a thick trail of blood leading into the bedroom where Nirua lay lifeless by the empty cradle.

"Ellie!" She shouted in panic as if the baby would somehow be able to answer her. "Please God, please..." She whispered as she let her eyes sweep across the room. Once, twice, all the while silently praying her father's goons hadn't gotten to her daughter. Then she saw it, the small bundle under the bed not far away from Nirua's outstretched arm. The asari had protected Ellie until her last breath. _Oh, Nirua..._ Miranda quickly ran up to the bed kneeling by it.

Ellie lay staring at her, green big eyes wet, her puffy cheeks stained with tears.

"Ellie," she cried in relief. "Mummy's right here." She gently rocked Ellie, looking around the room where the three bodies lay. Thessia wasn't safe anymore. They would have to run. Now.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

.

.

* * *

**A/N: **Wow! What a nice following I've got after just the prologue. I'm happy to see quite a few of you chose to tag along with me on this story as well. :) Please excuse any typos or grammatical errors (and please point them out to me), I've been through the chapter multiple times, but I do miss stuff every here and there.

Many thanks for reading, subscribing and faving. And extra thanks to those of you who reviewed. I so appreciate to hear what you all think of the chapters, what works, what doesn't work etc. I've been so busy trying to get this chapter out and updating my Shep/Ash story that I haven't had time to reply to your reviews, but I will. I promise!

So...Miranda and Rue are parents, even if Rue doesn't know about it yet. Fair or unfair? Should Miranda tell Rue? And even more important, where will she run to now?

Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Till next time.

~Elmjuniper


	3. Bad Idea

_I could never have imagined a life with a child before I had you and now I can't possibly imagine my life without it. You got me into all sorts of trouble, just like your mother. She, she would drive me crazy at times. "Let's blow this up", "let's go to this deserted planet", "what does this big red button do?" and yet I would do it all over again. Because being with Rue brought me to life, made me stronger, made me feel alive and gave me the strength I will need to keep us safe. Because sometimes things don't exactly go as planned._

**BAD IDEA**

"ELLIE NO!" Miranda yelped in an effort to stop the child from throwing a large bolt of biotics into the water of the bathtub. Water cascaded like a tidal wave through the air before it rained down on them. The young child giggled gleefully, slapping the surface happily with her tiny hands.

Miranda sighed. "We really need to learn how to control your biotics."

It appeared their daughter had inherited her biotics which would explain why her powers had behaved so strangely during her pregnancy and at times still did. It seemed that when Ellie was upset the biotics would flare to life in both of them.

Ellie looked at her and stretched her arms up in the air. "Daaa!" She cheered.

"You -are a little _pest_ sometimes," she said leaning across the porcelain railing of the tub. Ellie grinned, baring two tiny teeth.

"Ugh!" Miranda shook her head smiling. "Just like your mummy...you're going to be a heartbreaker, aren't you?" Chubby baby hands grabbed at her face as Ellie planted a wet kiss on her lip with a loud smack.

"Oh yes, a total heartbreaker." She chuckled.

"Ummy," Ellie growled, tiny hands clapping her face.

"What?"

"Ummy," Ellie repeated.

"Sweetie!" Miranda gasped. "Did you just say 'mummy'?" Oh, their kid was smart. Ellie must have gotten that from her. She grinned slyly knowing Rue would have protested wildly at that notion. She observed the small child, gently stroking the dark, wet hair out of Ellie's forehead.

Ellie had gone back to trying to catch water in her hands ignoring Miranda completely where she sat. Ellie had her lips and cheeks, but her nose and freckles were Rue's. It was odd. To love and care for this miniature human being, so fiercely and unconditionally. This little miracle, the result of two person's DNA. But how? She still hadn't been able to figure out how her father had done it. With her father anything was possible, but she still couldn't really fathom how he had done it. At the same time as she despised him more than anything she still couldn't help but to be amazed by what he had accomplished. And she felt a sense of gratitude. It was completely illogical. Her father had no doubt created this child for his own selfish need for power, but he had no idea what she was capable of now. She would stop at _nothing _to keep this child -_her _child- safe. Ellie would _never_ be his.

"Yayayaya," Ellie muttered to herself grabbing at her toes through the water.

"Ok you little monster. Time to get up," she said and picked Ellie up. The child grunted in dismay as she was wrapped in the large towel.

"Stop squirming, you." She laughed at the baby trying to wiggle out of her arms. Ellie had definitely inherited both their stubbornness. "The quicker we get you dry the quicker you'll get food."

"Ood." Ellie frowned.

"Yes, food and then I'm going to tell you a bedtime story about this great warrior who was going to save the galaxy."

~o~

Seven months ago Rue Shepard had wondered if the galaxy –if Earth-was ready for a Reaper invasion. As Dr. Chakwas patched her up in the infirmary after saving the students of Grissom Academy from Cerberus she had no doubt in her mind that neither was ready for it.

"How did this happen?" The doctor asked a concerned look upon her face.

"You know, the same old, enemy getting in the way and all that." Rue shrugged as the doctor grabbed her omni-tool. Chakwas made a sweeping movement in front of Rue's body before looking down at the familiar orange screen.

"Well, aside from needing a few stitches it seems like you're just fine." Chakwas said as she looked up from her omni-tool.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Rue frowned. "There's nothing wrong with me, is there?"

"No, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be keeping an eye on those cybernetic implants you've got from Cerb-" the doctor caught herself before speaking again. "Cerberus."

"Yeah..." Rue pinched the back of her neck with her hand awkwardly. They rarely spoke about Cerberus or more importantly about the Cerberus officer she had shared her bed with. "So, uh...can I go?"

The doctor gave her that motherly look, crossing her arms. "Can you try not to get shot so much?"

"But, Doc," Rue pulled her tank top back on and walked towards the exit, "it's my favourite pastime. Besides what else would you do if you didn't have soldiers to patch up?"

"Oh, I don't know, finish all these reports, organise our medical supplies, enjoy a drink or even better a good night's sleep, maybe go to the spa?" Karin's eyes glinted with amusement.

"You'd be bored in an instant." Rue called the doctor's bluff. The older woman laughed.

"That I would. Now before you go, I want to talk you about something."

"You know whenever someone says that it usually ends with something bad. Like…needles." Rue grimaced.

"Some of the crew have voiced concern about your reckless behaviour lately," Karin said giving her a stern look.

"_What_?" She stopped in her stride towards the infirmary doors. "Who exactly?"

"You know I can't tell you that, Rue." _Rue huh? _It was always Shepard, only Rue when Karin meant business. The motherly kind. Not many people had the guts to talk to Rue in the way Karin sometimes did, then again, there had only ever been one person to patch her up and offer her the support a mother would. Since she lost her family Joker and Chakwas was the closest thing she'd had to something similar.

"Fine, but I don't see-"

"You threw yourself at a Brute on Palaven."

"Actually on its back. And I had it all planned out."

"But?"

"I might have miscalculated just how thick its hide was. Who could have known regular bullets wouldn't kill it?" She shrugged.

"You manoeuvred a damaged mech at Grissom Academy."

"Those are built to last!" Rue defended herself throwing her arms up in the air. "Figure Cerberus to be cheap and make mechs that blow up if they're damaged too much..." She muttered.

"You ran headlong towards a _Reaper_." Karin crossed her arms the end of an eyebrow raised.

"Well, Garrus and Liara did as well..." She huffed. All of those examples were unfair. What else could she have done? She had been sent out by Anderson and Hackett to get help by any means possible. This was it. There had been no other way.

"Sit." Karin pointed towards the chair next to her desk. "Now." The older woman ordered.

She sat down resolutely.

"Rue, Joker sees you like his sister. He worries. _I _worry," Karin said her eyes locking with Rue's.

"Look, we all know what it means to be soldiers. There is no guarantee we'll ever come back from a mission." She said taking a deep breath.

"No, there isn't, but there is also no need to take unnecessary chances that could risk the bigger mission –stopping the Reapers." Karin argued. "I _know _things have been hard on you lately. You've taken more than a few blows, but you cannot be so reckless with your own life. Not when Earth is depending on you. It's not fair and you know it."

She wanted to retort with a childish answer. That nothing in life was fair, that one has to play the cards they've been dealt and just suck it up, but parts of her knew there was some truth to what the doctor was saying. She was tired of all this politicking, she was tired of the constant battle, the never ending Reaper threat, the favour for a favour, mission after mission and the responsibility that had been put on her shoulders. She hadn't chosen it and Chakwas was right, it wasn't fair, but in times like these "fair" was hardly the right word to describe anything.

"You _have _to start being less careless. If not for yourself or even Earth at least for Miranda and the-" the doctor stopped herself as if realising what she was saying.

"Miranda and the what?" Rue scowled.

"The possibility that things might work out between the two of you." Karin replied, suddenly very interested in aligning the labels of the different medicines in her cabinets. Rue narrowed her eyes. The doctor was acting...shady.

"I'm with Liara now," she said slowly studying the busy doctor.

"Yeah, of course you are, I...It's not my business. What is my business however is, uh, Joker's meds. I should see to it that he gets them." The doctor replied evasively.

"Uh huh." Rue followed Karin with suspicious eyes before standing up. "I take it we're done here?" She caught the slight nod and she grinned inwardly. Karin might have thought she smoothed that over nicely, but the doctor was hiding something and when she least expected it Rue intended to find out what it was.

~o~

The green leaves swayed lazily in the breeze, birds picking at the ground underneath the thick crown keeping the sun from reaching all the way down to the lush green grass next to trunk. Miranda followed the river with her eyes. It curled upwards at the end and disappeared into an arch above their heads where she stood with Ellie in her arms on the small balcony.

The datapad on the grey metallic table flickered to life as the latest news feed started streaming. Things seemed to escalate much faster than anyone of them could have predicted. Palaven was under siege as was many other planets in the system. The male voice spoke calmly invoking a false sense of security. Miranda snorted into the cool summer-like night.

She turned around at the sound of the commander's name being mention and she picked up the pad. Rue didn't smile in the picture. Her eyes were focused and serious and the commander wore a grim, weary look. Miranda felt a stab in her chest. Parts of her wanted to just grab the commander and pull her into a hug and tell her it would be fine.

Miranda let out a frustrated groan. That was no longer her place. She had seen the asari standing closely behind Rue. It was her place now. Granted Miranda had helped push Rue towards the decision the commander finally had taken, but Miranda had seen the way Rue acted around Liara. Sooner or later she would have taken that decision without Miranda's push. Ellie grunted reaching out for the pad and Miranda set her down on the table next to it. Keeping her hand absentmindedly on Ellie's shoulder she remembered the look on Rue's face in the elevator when she had told her that she had slept with Jacob. It had killed her -lying to the woman she loved. She kept telling herself she had done it for Rue that it was just to give her a nudge in the right direction, but deep inside Miranda knew she had done it partly for herself. This way she could tell herself she that she had made Rue pick Liara.

"If you're going to go out, go out with style..." She muttered quietly to herself. Some highly illogical part of her had thought that she would come out with her dignity untarnished this way. Miranda grimaced. Nothing about that last encounter in the elevator had been dignified. Ellie slapped her palms against the surface drawing her attention back to the present. Greasy baby handprints graced the screen blurring the commander's picture slightly.

"Do you know what she hated?" She asked looking down at Ellie who was too busy poking the screen with her chubby fingers to pay any attention to her.

"When her armour got fingerprints on them." Miranda chuckled. "Her bloody armour. Full of scratches and dents and she complains about fingerprints. She could spend a lifetime, your mother, polishing that thing." She pointed demonstratively at the grim-looking commander. _Your mother_. Was she ever going to tell Rue the truth? She would have to tell Ellie at some point and what if Ellie wanted to meet Rue? _Your talking as if you know for sure Rue will survive this. _

She sat down on the chair and leaned her elbows on to the table sighing into her cupped hands. Rue had to survive this. She _had _to. There was no one as strong as the commander, as stubborn or as brilliant. She would come out alive...right?

"_Director Lawson." The Drell's voice creaked behind her._

"_Thane?" She asks in surprise as she turns around._

_He's standing by the large windows of Huerta Memorial Hospital, his hands behind his back, black eyes observing her intensely. _

"_It is good to see you here, Director," he nods in her direction._

_She smiles, walking up to him. It has been several months since she last saw anyone from the Normandy's crew._

"_Miranda," she says. "Call me Miranda, Thane. How are you?"_

"_I've had better days." He says before turning his attention to the child in her arms. "And who might this little charmer be?" _

_There is something to his tone. Something that tells her he knows. One look and the mysterious assassin knows. Ellie hoots in approval at the strange man in front of her and stretches out her arms._

"_Peculiar green eyes, wouldn't you say, Miranda?" He smiles holding the baby in his arms._

_She gives him her best "I don't know what you're talking about" look and he chuckles._

"_I understand there are reasons for not telling the commander," he hands her the baby giving Ellie a gentle nudge with his bent index finger and Miranda can't help but think he must have been a good father before he left his family. He looks back up at her._

"_But, Miranda, as a father I can tell you this. It would be the greatest tragedy in my life never having known my own son."_

Thane's words echoed in her head and she sighed. She knew Thane was right, but regardless of how much she wished they could start over their time had come and gone. Rue had to keep the galaxy safe and Miranda, she looked at Ellie, she had a whole new purpose in her life.

~o~

Rue Shepard crossed the messdeck making her way towards the office which had been Miranda's when Cerberus was flying the ship. She snorted. It was a little hypocritical that she had been put on trial partly for working with Cerberus, yet the Alliance saw no trouble in using the ship Cerberus had built after slapping some blue paint over her. She had received some upgrades and been retrofitted to suit the Alliance's needs, but she was still a Cerberus vessel from the start. The Alliance overlooked that because it suited them. Rue eyed the rounded slick metal above her head. Not that she could blame them. Normandy was such a beauty, how could one possibly let her slip away?

She walked in through the door to Liara's den. It was mostly filled with the Shadow Broker's tech. Screens covered the length of one wall, thick wires running from them, falling to the floor curling in the corner like thick snakes. The asari stood by the station connected to the screens looking concentrated barely noticing Rue's presence.

"The Shadow Broker is a busy lady nowadays," she said as she walked over to Liara. She snaked her arm around the asari's waist giving her a gentle kiss on the blue, soft cheek. Liara turned around, a surprised expression on her face.

"Shepard...It's good to see you," the asari said though her voice sounded awkward and strained.

Rue frowned. _Good to see you? _That was a little formal, wasn't it? She had hoped for a kiss in return or maybe at least _something_. She let go of the asari and shoved her hands in to her pockets feeling a little stupid about her overly romantic gesture.

"How have you been? We haven't really had that much time to ourselves to talk."

Liara sighed. "I can't make sense of this. I've run all the diagnostics I can, using every language known to us and yet there is no making sense of what the Crucible does or how it works."

"You're doing all you can, Liara." She encouraged the asari. "That's all any of us can do."

"How do you do that?" Liara turned to look at her and folded her arms across her chest.

"Do what?" She asked.

"You always stay so calm even in situations like these. While people around you are panicking not knowing what to do you just...keep going."

"I..." she thought about the question for a while. What was it that kept her going, despite the odds? The greater good? The glory? The fame? Knowing that she was saving people? If she didn't keep going then who would? As evident, nobody would. "I have to. I can't just stand by and watch. Besides, I have a lot to lose if the Reapers win."

Liara smiled. "Anything in particular you're thinking of?"

"All my friends, people I care about...you know..." She fell silent not exactly sure who she was thinking of at the moment. Or maybe she just didn't want to admit it.

"Well," Liara said looking a little more relaxed and less focused. "I'm glad I'm one of those people?"

"Of course you are." Rue frowned. "I've always cared about you."

"That is...good to know."

Rue chuckled. "Yeah, so, how about some lone time? Tonight? Just you and me."

The asari smiled slyly. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I was thinking maybe we could try that-"

"Commander?" Joker alerted them from above their heads. "Sorry to interrupt, but I think we have problem."

She sighed. Of course there was something that needed to be solved this very instant. "What is it Joker?"

"Citadel controls aren't answering my docking request. Shepard, something's definitely not right."

~o~

A familiar clattering noise woke her up. Screams echoed outside and the thudding of boots beating down on the floor sounded outside her door. Sitting up she looked to her side. Ellie was sound asleep oblivious to the commotion outside. Carefully, not to wake up her daughter, Miranda slipped off the bed and moved soundlessly towards the safe where she kept her weapons locked up. Since Thessia she had made a habit of having guns in the house, but unlike when she was younger and on her own she couldn't have them just lying around. What a biotic baby could do with guns in the house just wasn't something she wanted to find out.

She grabbed one of her pistols and moved up to her door, keen ears listening to the sounds outside interpreting them for her, letting her visualize the battle. What was going? Open fire in the Citadel? It sounded like total chaos. Was it her father? Had he found her? She had been so careful this time. This time she had even taken the precaution to change her hair. Instead of her natural charcoal black hair she was now ash blonde and as everyday looking as the girl next door. She paused. Maybe it was the Illusive Man? Last time she saw his people they tried to kill her. She grunted inwardly. For being a mother she had far too many people out there who wanted to kill her. _Worst mother of the year title, here I come_.

A sudden shuffle outside her door caught her attention and she placed her ear against the cold metal. She could hear hushed voices and the familiar click as someone placed their omni tool against her door lock to hack it. She stiffened. Someone was trying to get in!

She could counter hack the intruder's hack, but it would only work once or twice then the person would know what was going on and use brute force. With Ellie sleeping in the next room she couldn't risk a shootout inside the flat. She would have to ambush the intruder. It was obvious they were getting in one way or another. Better she take out as many as possible by a surprise attack then have a whole firing squad take her out before she could defend herself.

She backed away from the door slowly, aiming her pistol at the door, conjuring her biotics. She felt a crackle in her hand as her powers awakened for a short moment then hissed angrily and burned out. _What the-?! _She shook her hand in desperation. _Come on, come on! _Why wasn't her biotics working? The click at the lock being opened echoed through the hallway.

Her palms sweaty and her heart racing she felt a sudden surge at the tip of her fingers. Light flooded room as the door opened and before she could react her biotics shot out at the intruder hitting it with a forceful blow. She heard the loud clanking of armour as the person was sent crashing into the wall.

"Stay back." She warned her enemies, her biotics burning savagely from her hands. The click of several weapons being loaded sounded from outside. _Bad idea, Ri._

"Ri?!"

_**Really **__bad idea, Ri!_

~o~

Rue brushed herself off as she stood up staring at the informant. Their eyes locked for the briefest of moments and she felt her tummy flip. She felt dumbfounded where she stood staring at Miranda. There was something different about the informant. She had dyed her hair blonde, but there was something else. Something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

"I've been looking for you," she managed to say.

"I didn't want to be found." Came Miranda's response.

"Yeah, I kind of figured that out."

"Was there something you wanted, Commander? Considering you are breaking in to my flat in the middle of the night and all."

"I was told I'd find intel in this apartment that would help me..._resolve_ some of my problems..." She said through clenched jaws. When Thane had told her that he had information that was of interest to her she hadn't quite expected this. _You and I are going to have a talk, Thane_.

The informant put her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrow. Rue remembered that look and she felt a tingle dart up her spine.

"And did you find something interesting?" Miranda asked trying to sound terse, but the curiosity in the informant's eyes did not escape Rue. _Did I ever? _She saw the faintest hint of a smile tug at Miranda's lips when someone cleared their throat in annoyance behind her back. She could see Miranda's gaze shift, no doubt to the asari standing in the doorway behind her. The informant turned businesslike once more the moment gone before Rue could grasp it.

"Shepard, did you want something? I'm actually a little-"An ungodly sound cut through the apartment and she saw Miranda freeze on the spot eyes flickering. "...busy..."

"What's going on?" Rue narrowed her eyes at the informant. Was that a baby crying?

"Look, it's been nice to catch up, but like I said I'm really busy."

"With...a crying baby?" Rue asked slowly and leaned to the side, peering into the room behind Miranda.

"Shepard, I need you and your..." the informant's eyes fell on the asari. "_Squad _to leave."

"Are you in some kind of trouble?" She scowled at Miranda's strange behaviour.

"Just _leave_. This is-"

The explosion ripped through the whole building shaking it violently. Rue barely had time to flare her shields and throw herself at Miranda before the windows imploded in the ear-shattering explosion. The fire and smoked billowed into the apartment as they landed hard on the floor, a painful scream tearing from the informant's lips.

Shattered glass rained down on them and her ears still rung from the loud blast. "Miranda?" Rue asked apprehensively as she sat up slowly, the rest of the crew getting to their feet, brushing themselves off.

"Everyone ok?" She called across her shoulder. She heard her squad grunt displeased from somewhere behind her. Seemed like they were all fine.

"Rue," Miranda whispered her fingers digging into her arm. Looking down she saw blood pooling underneath Miranda's side where a large shard dug itself into her flesh.

"Ri!" She exclaimed. Miranda's face contorted with pain.

"Get Elinor." Miranda's eyes teared up from the pain and she gasped.

"What?" Rue placed her hand under Miranda's neck.

"The baby! Get the baby NOW!"

"The baby!" She roared to her squad. "Get the baby!" She saw Liara launch into motion in the corner of her eyes as James skidded to his knees next to her.

"She's going to bleed out, Commander," he said, popping the lid to the medigel open before slapping it on roughly drawing a moan from the informant.

"No she's not. James I don't care if you have to ram down half the C-Secs in the Presidium with that bulk of yours, but you get paramedics and you get them _now_." Rue ordered him as she picked the informant up in her arms. She watched the lieutenant take off his large bulk disappearing down the stairs. For a big marine James had more conscience than most of them. He looked like he would crush your head between his thumbs, but the man wouldn't hurt a fly if he didn't have to. She suspected there was a story as to why, one that she hadn't been told yet.

"Rue," she heard Liara run up behind her back. "Whose child is this?" The asari asked as they sped through the Presidium towards Huerta Memorial.

"It doesn't matter right now," she replied grimly. Miranda had slept with Jacob. It didn't take a genius to figure out whose kid it was. Regardless of that Miranda had been seriously wounded and needed medical care. She had to focus on that.

Turning the corner they saw the lieutenant rush towards them a group of paramedics following closely behind him.

"Ellie," Miranda whispered as the paramedics lifted her up on to the stretcher, two of them working frantically to stop the bleeding.

Rue turned towards Liara and grabbed the crying baby from the asari's arms.

"I got her," she said reassuringly holding the baby up. The baby stopped crying and gave a small giggle.

"Ummy!"

"See, baby's all good with Captain Rue here."

A strange expression crossed Miranda's face, her eyes glazing over before she gave a small nod and closed her eyes.

"We're losing her!" The paramedic yelled as the group broke into a sprint towards the elevator leaving her standing helpless and at loss, the small child wiggling happily in her hands.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

**.**

**.**

**.**

* * *

**Disclaimer:** All characters, places, items, names etc that you recognize belongs to EA/Bioware. I am merely a fangirl borrowing this to give my own spin on what happened during ME2-ME3. I don't get any money for doing this, just the pure joy of writing and using my imagination.

**A/N:** So this took a little longer than expected, but not too long. I've been a little stuck on rendering 3D ME fanart. If you want to check it out you can find me on deviantart under the same nick as here: Elmjuniper. There might be spoilers though so consider that before you check it out. I'll try to be quicker with the next update. Thanks for being so patient with me. You're all fantastic!

Soooo...ok, Miranda and Rue did not expect this.

Thanks to everyone who's been so kind to read, subscribe, faved and reviewed. It makes this soppy little one so so happy.

Special thanks to Dalish Elf who suggested putting Miranda on the Citadel!

And to Kar who isn't a member, but keeps reviewing. Thank you! I can't reply to you through PM so I will just say it here: thank you so much for reviewing and giving me your suggestions.

If you like what you read or have any suggestions please leave a review. I always like to hear from you guys!

Hope you enjoyed it!

~Elmjuniper


	4. Heading Towards Disaster

_We always think we have all the answers -that we know exactly what to do. We read the papers and shake our heads in judgement at others behaviours or inability to act because we know that we would have done it differently. We would have acted in another way –a better way. But if there is one thing I have learnt, it would be that we never know enough. We never have all the answers. It takes only seconds for one to lose one's bearing, to lose common sense no matter how much you struggle. And before we know it we break all the rules we've set and despite knowing better we start playing with the untameable fire that will burn us raw in the end. _

_._

_._

**HEADING TOWARDS DISASTER**

LIARA STARED AT THE BABY girl in Rue's arms as the paramedics disappeared into the elevator rushing the fatally injured informant to the hospital. The little girl reached up towards Rue's face laughing when the commander shot her a puzzled look. Liara narrowed her eyes. The child had Miranda's dark hair and definitely some of the most prominent features of the Cerberus officer, but there was something else about the child that felt familiar. She watched Rue as she placed an armour-clad hand behind the child's head grinning down at it. Rue's nose mirrored the child's perfectly. She took as step closer causing both the commander and the child to look at her. Two sets of green eyes stared back at her and Liara felt her stomach churn. _No! _It couldn't be. It was impossible.

"Liara? You ok?" She could see Rue's face fold into a frown as the commander looked at her.

"Yes." She replied her thoughts spinning around her head. It couldn't be what she was thinking. It had to be a coincidence. Humans did not have the means or the technology to reproduce without fertilizing an egg. She shook her head. No, there had to be another explanation. Perhaps she was simply seeing things that weren't there. Like the little display that had taken place in front of her eyes in Miranda's apartment earlier. There was no mistaking as to what had been going on between the former Cerberus officer and the commander in that moment.

"I should probably go and wait for Miranda," Rue said slowly. "In case she wakes up and asks for this one." The commander threw a quick glance at the baby in her arms. Was that really the reason the commander wanted to wait? They both knew it wasn't the only reason.

"Of course. I should go and see if I can use any of the Shadow Broker's channels to see if we can find out anything about the Illusive Man's whereabouts." She tried to sound as if it didn't bother her at all that Rue felt the need to sit by Miranda's side. Maybe she was being overly sensitive about it? Miranda was Rue's ex-girlfriend. Of course she would still care about her. That didn't mean the commander still had feelings for the informant.

"Ok, I'll uh…I'll come by later. I should go." The commander excused herself with a curt nod before walking away, the baby still held closely in her arms.

Liara exhaled sharply as she looked around the large plaza which had once been filled with people, some mingling by the small market, others dining or enjoying a coffee at Apollo's Café. Now glass splinters and debris lay scattered all over the place, blood staining the floors where the fallen C-Sec officers had lain.

She shook her head. Cerberus had attacked the Citadel. They had murdered regular C-Secs and civilians in cold blood and Udina had been in on it. For what?

"He must have been indoctrinated," she said to herself where she stood looking at the devastation before her. Hadn't the Citadel just about recovered from Saren's and Sovereign's attack a few years ago? And now it was going to have to rebuild once more. Such a waste.

She let her thumb run across the soft skin of her bottom lip. What was Miranda doing on the Citadel? Hadn't Rue said the Cerberus officer had gone underground? If one did not want to be found one would not go to the Citadel. Or maybe that's exactly the reason why Miranda had come to this station. All she would've had to do was run a simple scan of all the faces stored in the Citadel's security system and she would have been able to find Miranda in mere seconds.

Granted she did have her Shadow Broker's tech which would have helped her more than an average information broker, but even someone like Barla Von would eventually find the informant. She knew Rue had pulled some favours back on Earth within the Alliance to try to find Miranda. The requests had been sent out to several information brokers and anything they knew the Shadow Broker knew as well. Strangely enough Rue hadn't come to her to ask her look for Miranda. Or maybe that wasn't so strange…

Their relationship had been…_strained _at the best lately. Partly because the war against the Reapers demanded their attention every hour, every minute of the day and partly because she didn't trust Rue. She wanted to trust Rue, she loved the woman after all, but Rue had been with Miranda in the meld –Miranda! It was the most intimate thing one could experience with someone else. The meld where your minds joined, allowing another to see and _touch_ the essence of your whole being -every molecule, every atom. For a moment you were part of the small universe that exists in all living things. The meld created a bond between two partners that could not be easily broken. Once you joined there was little -if nothing- that could interrupt the humming synchronising of two souls. Nothing it seemed, except for the perfect Miss Lawson.

"And now here you are…" She said quietly to herself as she made her way down to the docking bay. If their relationship had been strained lately she had a sneaky feeling it would only get worse.

Rue had chosen her over Miranda all those months ago, but that was nearly eight months ago. Hardly a long time for someone with her lifespan, but it was long enough for both of them to have been given time to think. And she had thought. A lot. About why Rue had fallen in love with Miranda, why the commander had let it go that far in the first place and why Rue had ended up picking her over the informant. She found she had also come to question the love she held for the commander. What was it? She loved Rue, she had no doubt about that, but just how much? How far would she go for Rue? She still wasn't sure. There were many factors neither of them had considered before joining. When she thought back to it she was starting to wonder how they came to love each other in the first place.

Maybe it was just the scientific side of her over-analysing it or maybe, maybe they were just too different? She would outlive the commander by hundreds of years. She supposed that after a while she would…meet someone new? If she knew this, that a century or so after her first bondmate's death she'd find another one, then was it really love? Did she really love as much, as fiercely as Rue did?

Turning a sharp left she saw the grey door leading to the Normandy's decontamination chamber and she shrugged. She had more important things to do than to ponder these things. She needed to get any information about the Illusive Man she could get her hands on, he was becoming a nuisance, one that was costing them both time and lives. She narrowed one eye pursing her lips. Miranda had been part of Cerberus…maybe there was something to be found about this child they had found with her. Another Project Zero? It wouldn't hurt looking into the matter, besides she still didn't trust Miranda. Any information she could dig up on the Cerberus officer the better. She didn't mind having enemies, but she wanted to know who they really were. Miranda was hiding something and she was going to find out what it was.

~o~

"Mmm…" She woke up slowly, the warm sunrays tickling her face playfully. It felt like a long time ago since she had slept this long. She pulled the soft cover closer enjoying the warm sun on her face and the softness of the fresh sheets as she listened to the distant sound of footsteps and wheels rolling across the floor. She frowned. What was that beeping noise?

_Wait. Where am I? _She opened her eyes, panic creeping up her spine.

"Good to see you're awake Miss Lawson," the salarian medic said where he stood working on his charts.

"Where –where am I? How did I get here?" She asked in bewilderment.

"You were brought here yesterday."

"Where's my daughter?"

"Miss?" The salarian gave her a concerned look. "You were brought in here alone."

"No…" she gasped in distress before throwing the covers aside swinging her legs across the bedside. She fell to her knees landing hard and the medic rushed forward to help her.

"Miss, you are still heavily medicated you should not be up walking." He said in a concerned voice.

"You don't understand," she said weakly.

"I do, but there's nothing we can do about it now. I will contact the authorities for you."

"No," she breathed heavily as he helped her up.

"What?"

"I said _no_." She shoved him as hard as she could with her elbow firing a jolt of biotics at the surprised medic. It hurled him across the room and he slumped to the floor with a pained moan.

"I'm sorry," she muttered as she staggered past him, her thoughts incoherent and jumbled. She took a moment to collect herself. She had to get to Ellie. If her father had gotten to her…she exhaled sharply, she couldn't think like that. Blinking at the door trying to keep her vision from blurring she hit the door lock and dashed out from the room. She crashed into one of the doctors sending them both sprawling. She felt a sharp pain in her side and something warm tickled her skin as it made its way down her side. Scrambling to her feet she continued her race towards the hospital doors through the narrow corridor, the hospital gown flapping at her sides.

Throwing herself at the doors they slid open gracefully and she stumbled out pulling to a sharp stop to keep herself from falling down the stairs.

The bustling room in front of Miranda hardly seemed to notice her where she stood. The hospital gown split open at the back and hung from one of her shoulders and blood trickled down the side of her thigh.

"Ri?" Her eyes fell on the commander who was sitting on one of the benches by the panoramic windows. Ellie sat in her lap playing with the dog tags that hung from Rue's neck.

"Hey, buddy, look who's here," the commander said to Ellie and pointed at Miranda.

"Ummy!" Ellie lifted her arms up in the air.

"Heh! Funny, kid's been calling Lola here the same thing since we picked her up." The muscular man from the night before chuckled next to Rue.

The door slid open behind her nurses and doctors stumbling out from the corridor.

"Vatt is the meaning of dis?" Doctor Michel's angry voice cut through the hospital lounge as she came storming towards them fury written all over her face.

"The patient escaped!" One of the nurses panted.

"Dis is not a prison! Zee patient iz free to leave whenever she vants." The doctor scolded her staff in her thick accent.

"But she-!" One of the doctors tried to speak, but was efficiently silenced as the doctor sharply lifted her hand into the air before she turned to look at Miranda.

"If she does not vant our 'elp there are others 'o certainly vould."

Miranda gave the doctor a polite nod before walking up to Rue where she sat. She felt her chest tingle at the sight of the commander with their daughter sitting in her lap. _Stop it_. She chided herself. She had spent the past months reminding herself that she had to forget about Rue, but no matter how hard she had tried to erase the memory of the commander she had forgotten over and over again that she wasn't supposed to think about Rue. Granted, having Ellie didn't exactly make it any easier to remember that she should forget about Rue.

Rue stood up, a soft expression on her face. "I take it you were looking for this one," the commander said as she carefully handed Ellie over.

"Oh my god," she whispered kissing Ellie's warm forehead. Miranda wasn't sure for how long she'd been awake, but however short it had been it felt like she hadn't held her daughter in years. That small, sometimes obnoxiously stubborn child. Being without her made her feel incomplete, empty.

Ellie curled into a ball snuggling closer. The movement sent a ripple of pain through her and she gasped in shock.

"Hey," Rue murmured putting her arm around her waist for support. "Sit here."

She let herself be led towards the bench and she sat down as a nurse crouched next to her lifting her gown carefully. Holding her breath she let the nurse clean her wound before applying some medi-gel.

"You be more careful now," the nurse said in a motherly voice. "And those stitches needs to be looked over _soon_."

"Ok, thanks Miss," Rue said as the woman stood up to leave.

"Thank you," Miranda said avoiding to look at the woman she had tried to forget about for so long.

"I, uh…I've got a poker game waiting for me, Lola. Meet you back at the Normandy." The large Alliance soldier excused himself before withdrawing.

Miranda looked up to watch him go.

"So…" Rue said slowly. "Care to introduce me to this little one?" Miranda could tell by the sound of Rue's voice that there was an unspoken question in that sentence.

"This is Ellie," she said.

~o~

News of the commander's ex-girlfriend's baby had already reached the Normandy when Liara stepped aboard. No one had been so crass as to speak about it aloud when she was around, but she could still hear the whispers and gossip.

"And this is why I stay in my cabin," she muttered where she stood by the console her fingers dashing across the keyboard.

"Mainly you stay in here for work," the drone said from behind her back.

"Yes, Glyph, I suppose that is correct." Now that the drone mentioned it she wondered for how long she had been back. She threw a quick glance to her side. Eight a.m.

"Goddess!" She exclaimed. She had worked through the night without a break. This Reaper war was really taking its toll. Not just on her, but on everyone. She stepped away from the console. If she was going to be of any use she would have to at least get something for breakfast.

"Glyph, I'm going for a bite, make sure this numbers are correct. We can't make any mistakes."

"Of course Doctor T'Soni," the drone replied dutifully.

"Thank you , Glyph," she said as she walked out to the mess. Maybe the company would do her some good.

"Hey, Blue!" She smiled at the nickname she had been given when working on the first Normandy.

"Garrus," she said as she walked into the kitchen to fill her plate with the breakfast that had been cooked for them.

"Vega here tells me he saw you take down four Cerberus officers on your own back on Mars."

"Is that so?" She asked slyly as she sat down.

"Ah, don't play coy with me, Doc. I know what I saw. Biotics and all," the solider said with a twinkle in his eyes.

The Alliance soldier Vega, she remembered him from Treeya's files. She studied him. He was huge and could probably kill her by flexing one of those muscles, but the way he spoke. Always with a smile in his voice, but sadness in his eyes. He had saved Treeya that day on Fehl Prime, but he had sacrificed a whole colony. She couldn't imagine what that must have felt like.

"Actually, Lieutenant, there were only three of them." She smiled as she picked at the scrambled eggs. Humans ate this?

"Heard it got rough last night," Garrus said turning serious. "I never liked all the politics and regulations with C-Sec, but…those were good people. I can't believe so many of them lost their lives."

"It was bad…" Vega said shaking his head remorsefully. "At least we managed to save Miranda and her baby."

If Garrus had had eyebrows Liara was sure he would have frowned. "Her what-now?"

"You know, the chick the Commander used to work with." Vega said taking a sip from his water.

"_Work _with? Well," Garrus chuckled. "If that's what you want to call it."

"Oh!" Vega said as the penny dropped. "So who's the kid?"

"Ah shit…that little squirt knocked her up. Who would've thought Jacob had it in him." Garrus mused.

"What?" She heard herself ask a little too loudly.

"You know, Jacob and Miranda hooking up and getting caught. I'm surprised no died that night." Garrus said seemingly shuddering at the memory.

"I don't understand," she said. What did Garrus mean with Jacob and Miranda had hooked up? While they were still working with Rue?

"Rue must have told you, hasn't she?" The turian narrowed his eyes. "Shit…she hasn't told you. She's going to kill me."

"She's definitely going kill you, man." Vega agreed.

"Told me _what_?" She asked impatiently. She didn't like having to wait for an answer, especially not one she had a feeling she wouldn't like.

"Well, Rue caught Miranda and Jacob doing the deed that day we helped you take down the Shadow Broker. I was sure you knew…"

She felt a sudden wave of nausea. "Actually she had told me. I had just forgotten with all this craziness going on." She lied.

Miranda had cheated on Rue. Only days before Rue had made her decision and Rue had never mentioned this to her.

"You ok, Doc?" Vega asked with concern.

"Yes, I've just got a headache. I should go back to my office to get some rest." She excused herself.

Miranda had cheated on Rue. What if she hadn't?

~o~

"Ellie. That's a nice name." Miranda could hear Rue pause and she knew the commander was trying to think of the politest way possible to ask whose baby Ellie was without being nosy.

"She's not…" She wanted to lie and say Ellie wasn't her daughter, it would make things so much easier, but she couldn't bring herself to speak the words. "She's mine...She's my sister."

"Oh." Rue said sounding surprised.

"Why the surprise?" She laughed softly.

"I…I just thought that with Jacob…you know."

"Oh!" She laughed awkwardly at the mention of the soldier's name. "God, no! She doesn't really have his features, does she?"

"Ok…now I feel dumb." Rue chuckled, smiling that charming smile that made Miranda weak in her knees.

"My father produced a new improved child." It wasn't a lie, in fact, it was closer to the truth than she had intended. "I couldn't let him take her…"

"Ah." Rue's eyes glittered.

"What?"

"I take it you've been avoiding both your father and the Illusive Man?"

"What makes you say that?"

The commander leaned forward and brushed the hair out of Miranda's face, gently placing it behind her ear. Rue's fingertips brushed against her check ever so softly and Miranda shuddered at the touch.

"You're blonde." Was all the commander said, eyes observing her intently, they way they always did when Rue was trying to read someone.

"Yes, I…it doesn't suit me, but…"

"You look beautiful."

_STOP IT!_

"At least I'm not too recognisable." She ignored Rue's compliment. It could have been just a friendly observation, right? "Why are you here, Rue?"

"Well, you left this little sucker in my care." Rue nodded at Ellie. "And you know I'm good with Reapers, collectors, geth, you name it, but shitty diapers, Ri? Not an expert. Though I think I got the gist of now."

Miranda suppressed a scowl. So if she hadn't had Ellie Rue wouldn't have bothered?

"And…I was worried about you."

She tried to bite back the stupid grin spreading across her lips, but failed. Miserably so.

"I'm sure Liara isn't too pleased about that," she said before regretting herself. She was playing a very dangerous game. She hadn't kept her pregnancy and Ellie a secret just to screw it up with her own emotions. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"It's ok." Rue waved her hand dismissively in the air before frowning. "Anyway I was thinking that if you need somewhere to go there's always room on the Normandy…you probably can't find a safer place."

Miranda chuckled. "You are aware of the fact that you've been to both Palaven _and _Tuchanka with that ship, right? Not to mention all the other Reaper-filled planets that you've no doubt been to."

Rue gave a soft chortle. "Well, yeah…but what are Reapers and thresher maws in comparison to both your dad and the Illusive Man?"

She smiled. Rue did have a point.

"I don't need to be save, Rue." The commander raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Ok, fine maybe this time, but I don't need to be coddled."

"I know you don't and I would never suggest you do, but you wouldn't have to worry about either of them or things like the explosion last night. If we hadn't been there, Ri, Ellie would have been all alone now."

The commander's words chilled her and she felt sick at the thought of Ellie left alone in that flat or in her father's grasp. _Say no._

"The Normandy isn't any safer than…"

"Ok, well, let me at least drop you off somewhere." Rue insisted. "Let me do that and I'll be off your back."

_As if you could ever tear yourself away from my back…_She stifled a smug smirk at the thought of the passionate nights they had once shared. _Just say no._

"Why?" She heard herself ask.

"Because I need to know that you're safe."

"Rue, we're not…" She didn't quite know how to finish the sentence without it becoming awkward.

"No, I know, but at least consider it."

Miranda sighed, annoyance stirring within her. Rue couldn't just come along and ask her to go back to the Normandy! Not when the ship sailed across the galaxy fighting off Reapers and saving colonies. She couldn't just come along and smile and be thoughtful and god damn sexy and make total sense! _Damn you!_

The unpleasant truth was that Rue had made a fair point. Normandy was probably the safest place for Ellie to be. As much as Miranda hated to admit it, she knew that the commander was right. Besides she was running out of places to hide at. Where would she go next? The Migrant Fleet? Try to convince the quarians to let a baby onboard. She might as well try to convince them to let her set of chemical weapons in the admiralty's chambers. Palaven was burning, Earth as well, Omega had been seized by Cerberus and she had barely made it off the station in time. Where ever she went the Reapers would come or her father or Cerberus. Except for one place.

"Ok, fine," she finally said.

"Ok?"

"Yes and stop smiling."

"I'm not, I swear." Rue grinned widely throwing her hands up in the air, red hair failing in her face as she tried to hide her grin.

Miranda shook her head. She knew where this was heading. That smile Rue gave her…this was heading towards disaster.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

**.**

**.**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing. Bioware owns my soul and half my heart. The other half is taken up by wife, family and friends. ;)

**A/N:** You guys! Thank you so much for the follows, faves and reviews. They make my day and they really help me keep me going in my writing.

I actually had this written down (well, hospital bits) and was going to use it for the previous chapter, but as I was typing it up I realised what a brilliant (and mean) cliff-hanger it would make.

Please, leave a review in the box below it only takes a second (or a minute or two ;) ).

To Kar (because you're a guest): Yeah that cliffhanger was a bit mean, wasn't it? ;)

So…I did tell you I'd stick Miranda in where I could and where better to do it than then Normandy? As a reader said: Let the madness begin!

Till next time!

~Elmjuniper


End file.
